I think one of the hardest times in a person's life is the period right after high school or after one's mission. It is such an intense period of change and potential turmoil. Society places such high expectations on people in this period of life, and the Church culture can be especially brutal.
My ignorance of my gay nature combined with blessings from above and dumb luck made it possible for me to marry within a few years of returning from my mission. Had I understood my sexuality better then, I think life would have been much more difficult for me. I don't know if I would have been able or desirous to marry. On the other hand, I might have been able to deal with my attractions and emotions in a more healthy way earlier, and spared myself and others a lot of unnecessary pain. As my blog title states, I consider myself to be a lucky man.
I truly respect those who acknowledge their orientation early on, and make decisions about what role it will play in their lives. Since joining the "community" last fall, I have come to know and care deeply for many who share the same challenges of same gender attraction. My heart goes out to those who are single and have desires to remain true to their covenants. I can't think of too many challenges more difficult.
I think that as a society and church culture, we place far too much emphasis on the need and timing of marriage. Individuals, especially those with same gender attraction, should be allowed time to first come to know themselves and develop a solid foundation for the life that they desire to live. The emphasis should be focused on developing Christlike attributes and a healthy sense of self worth as sons of God. If we cannot find happiness and stability as single men, we certainly won't find it in marriage.
Members of the church should break the suffocating tradition of marriage expectations for others. Some may never choose to marry for various reasons. Some may find it possible to marry, and some may decide to enter into a committed relationship with someone of their own gender. As a society and as members of Christ's church, I believe we should respect each individual's agency, and help all sincere men and women feel welcome in our midst.
My greatest desire for my single friends who experience same gender attraction is that they feel peace in the knowledge that God loves and accepts them, that they find happiness in the journey of life, that they realize their purpose and potential, and that they experience the love and acceptance of family, friends and church members.
5 comments:
Right there with ya bro. Luckily all my brother have married later in life, so those who don't know I'm gay, in the family, is asking me questions now.
Yes, I would not go back to that time in my life for nothing. Such a good post. I am lucky to have you as a friend.
Amen on all counts! The last two paragraphs, in particular, really hit home.
I must say, I have an incredible amount of respect for those MoHo's that realize their sexuality after marrying. It must be a doubley painful process, since it affects more than just your life.
I definitely agree there is too much emphasis in Mormon culture on early marriage. I understand why it happens, but I've seen so many people rush into marriage without really pausing to contemplate it. Whether it is for gays or straights, taking time to breathe is a good thing.
Quinn, good luck with the questions. Sorry you are in that spot. I know a lot of people are sincere and don't know what else to say. I just wish they would give people breathing room.
Bror, I wouldn't go back either, but it would be fun to be a bit younger or at least quit aging!
Frank, Love you brother. Hope all is well with you.
Grant, it is a double edged sword learning of/accepting your sexuality after marriage, but I am kind of glad I didn't know. Amen to the second sentence. Thanks.
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